Smell Me? A Letter on Teenage Cologne and Self-Worth

A letter from the Vital Field Collective

This post is part of an ongoing series of letters written for the Vital Field Collective, our weekly gathering exploring consciousness, presence, and the practice of living from our true nature.

Ya ever wear too much cologne or perfume? I have. For me, it was all a ploy to stand out, to be enough. Smell me? At the time, pageantry concealed my quest for self-worth. The cool older guys wore Cool Water, Tommy, and CK One. On my quest to be cool, my olfactory system struggled to detect the aroma, so I would lay it on pump after pump. It got so bad that my older sister Katie would tell me that I smell like a chump.

What was I up to when I was thirteen years old?

Looking back now, I realize that I just wanted to be bold.

Carrying this infinite potential inside has been quite the task.

I’ve tried some crazy things to let it out, and please don’t ask.

Clambering along and making mistakes, I’ve accumulated much shame.

Through it all, I now see that life has loved me just the same.

I can write the whole thing off as some sort of foolish teenage boy folly. But the truth is that all those tens of dollars I spent on cologne were my path to self-love. Feeling so inadequate that I had to gas out everyone around me was a disguise for an archaeological dig set out to unearth my suppressed self-worth. It was a trail of crumbs leading me back home. Thank you, Tommy.

I feel so much compassion for that very well-scented teen. Through all the ups and downs, the Vital Field was there to give life to it all. Noticing the unwavering presence adds depth to my understanding of Unconditional Love.

Outgrowth is our unfolding, and all of those things are necessary stepping stones on our path. Recognizing it now feels; mmmmm.

This started as a free-style letter and turned into a thank-you letter to my heart. I hope this smelly letter conjures up warmth and tenderness for some of the parts of you that are not getting it.

Remember.

You are worth it.

You chose to come here and do this, just the way it is.

It is perfect.